


this is me trying

by iwaoist



Series: cobalt kisses [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Crying, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Phone Call, Reconciliation, implied KyouHaba, mentions of past!kunimi/yahaba, mentions of timeskip, they're a trans nonbinary they/he, they/them pronouns for kunimi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-20
Updated: 2020-10-20
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:54:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27126143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iwaoist/pseuds/iwaoist
Summary: Kunimi calls, Kageyama answers. That's just the way it goes.
Relationships: Kageyama Tobio/Kunimi Akira
Series: cobalt kisses [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2012329
Comments: 28
Kudos: 116





	this is me trying

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ember3ye](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ember3ye/gifts).



> here's a [playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2abAH2DbqaSvnR0ZXCOVXH?si=Y81UUELDRR2g4qiZVO2AGA) to set the mood

They weren’t in the right headspace.

They were drifting, out in the ocean and desperately trying to cling to something to keep afloat. The saltwater poured from glassy, reddened eyes with each choking sob as they tried to anchor themselves desperately to anything.

The phone rang for three beats- it always did, they knew Tobio’s habits better than their own. 

Kunimi Akira still possessed an encyclopaedic knowledge of Kageyama Tobio, even if the pages were yellowed with age and some of the ink was smudged by the ghost of tears from a time long ago. In their mind, slender fingers traced the ancient, worn spine: each fold and crevice of use was a memory treasured.

They were surprised when he answered the call.

_“Hello?”_

The silence was thick, save from their own shaky breaths down the line.

_“Kunimi.”_

They still couldn’t get their lips to form words, instead biting down hard on the pink, supple flesh like it would steady them. It didn’t.

_“Are you okay? Do you want me to come over?”_

“No-” It was hurried, panicked- they didn’t intend for it to come out in a snap, but every nerve and synapse in their brain was frazzled beyond belief. 

_“Okay. Just-”_ Kageyama sighed, cutting himself off. There was movement, Kunimi could hear it down the line. He was likely moving somewhere more private- living with Hinata didn’t allow for much privacy. _“Kunimi, speak.”_

“Hurts.” 

_“What does? Are you okay? Where are you?”_ It wasn’t often that Kageyama said three sentences in a row, and Kunimi felt guilty when they realised he likely had taken the word literally. They cringed, unable to feel like they hadn’t messed up yet again.

“I’m okay, but-” Kunimi cut themselves off this time, allowing a shaky sigh between their lips. “What’s wrong with me, Kageyama? Be honest.” 

_Please_.

There was a long pause. It didn’t sit well with Kunimi, their fingers fiddling and twitching with immeasurable anxiety. They belatedly realised that Kageyama was trying to video call them. They accepted the request, cringing as they thought about their appearance; face dripping with salty tears, a melancholy mess of blue and black eyeliner dripping down the planes of their cheeks, eyes and lips puffy with irritation. Kageyama on the other hand was his usual stoic self, raven-haired and eyes of a deep hydrangea fixed upon Kunimi. They felt bare under his gaze, but it wasn’t unpleasant. It was intimate, and Kunimi was reminded of each moment they’d spent basking in each other a lifetime ago.

_“There has never been, and never will be, anything wrong with you.”_

Their eyes were already glassy, but the soft honesty that Kageyama showed him forced tears to stream down his face once again. This time accompanied by a shaky, flimsy smile, they cried.

_“Why did you ask me that, Kunimi?”_

They paused. Why did they ask Kageyama? What was it about this boy that made Kunimi crave approval, even after all this time?

“Because I needed you to tell me.”

_“What upset you? Do you need me to come over?”_

They saw the genuine concern splayed across his features, plain to see, and it almost warmed their heart beyond belief. “No, no. Don’t come over. And, uh…”

_“Uh?”_

“It’s- fuck.” Kunimi avoided Kageyama’s burning gaze, instead focusing on their own appearance in the upper corner of his phone screen through the glassiness of their eyes. “It’s Yahaba. He, uh- we were seeing each other for a bit. But Kyoutani’s back in town- Shigeru said he wanted to try again with him-”

_“He dumped you? Just like that?”_

“Just like that.”

_“Stupider than I thought.”_

That nearly made Kunimi smile, though they weren’t sure that was Kageyama’s intention, but rather a happy accident.

“You did that, once. Dumped me just like that.”

_“No, I didn’t.”_

“...Yes, you did?” Kunimi’s brows furrowed. They weren’t trying to rehash the past, but had they ever spoken about it together? Had they ever discussed their end?

_“No.We were nineteen and I was about to move to Rome. I couldn’t ask you to come with me, Akira.”_

“You should have.”

_“We still would have ended all the same, I just preempted the inevitable.”_

“You made that decision for us.”

_“Yeah, I did.”_

The silence returned, and Kunimi watched as Kageyama sighed, reclining as he sat against the clean white headboard of his bed. He was weary. Kunimi wondered if he was resting properly now the season was over. Doubtful, knowing Kageyama.

_“It’s not like I didn’t love you enough to want you there, you know.”_

“I know.”

More silence. More shared gazes marred by Kunimi’s slowly dwindling tears and Kageyama’s burning ache to soothe.

Kunimi spoke first this time. “Do you think we could have made it work?”

_“I don’t know.”_ At least he was honest, as always. _“I wanted it to.”_

“Me too, Kageyama.”

A sigh. A palm running over a face that had aged slightly since they’d last seen him. _“Why’d you call me, Kunimi?”_

“I answered already.”

_“No, you said why you called. You didn’t say why you called_ me _.”_

_Oh._

_That’s because it’s always been you, Tobio._

“You’re honest.”

_“You miss me.”_ Was that a smile?

“You’re only perceptive when it comes to me.”

_“You miss me.”_ It was a smile. 

“You still know me better than anyone else.”

_“You miss me.”_ Kageyama was looking at them, eyes fond and swimming with nostalgia.

“You’re stubborn to a fault.”

_“You. Miss. Me.”_ He punctuated each word as he repeated it, a somewhat childlike quality to the grin- this was the boy Kunimi had fallen for in middle school, though they’d changed beyond measure since that time. That playfulness was new but not unwelcome. Kunimi’s heart was weak as they thought for a moment, their confidence bolstered by Kageyama’s own, like it was contagious.

A pause. A smile. “I do.”

_“I’m coming over.”_

**Author's Note:**

> short and sweet (and unbeta'ed) this short work is for amber. thanks for making me fall back in love with writing, i can't wait for the day we work together and destroy seijoh nation.
> 
> also yes this is named after the taylor swift song because a) akira is trying his best and so is tobio and b) my spotify broke while i was writing this in the university library and it was the only song that would play for the whole three hours study session
> 
> if anyone wants to talk, find me on twitter @milfkawa!


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